Carers Rights Day

When Your Caring Role Ends

Today (21st November) is Carers Rights Day which recognises the millions of people who provide care for a loved one, family member or friend unpaid. 

But what happens when that caring role ends? Today I want to share my story which I think is really important to generate discussions about the before, the during and the after in the role of a carer. 

My Dad had Alzheimer's from his early 40's which is when an element of caring began for me and my mum. In the beginning the quips he came out with were funny. The fact he thought that the Prime Minister was Sir Alex Ferguson was a constant joke as well as his ability to always put on his clothes wrong. The frustration for him though was real. He couldn't remember how to make a cup of tea, he couldn't remember where he lived, in the end before his death this year he literally forgot how to swallow. 

My Mum and I managed his care whilst working, which included hospital appointments, and sitting with him as we could not leave him on his own. It was hard, very hard. So much so that in the end my Mum gave up work (which is what many carers do) to look after him. For many people, me included, work is purpose, the reason to get up every day, the source of income every month and the feeling of being worthy at the end of it. My mum always said that she never wanted to give up working, it was her source of interaction with other people, adult conversation, getting out into the world. So when she gave all that up, her whole identity was about caring. 

My Dad passed away this Summer, and since then my whole family has struggled with not only grief, but the whole topic of purpose. My mum especially, feels she has no purpose anymore and is in this cycle of becoming a recluse and not wanting to interact with anyone. In her view she has forgotten how to do that. 

The reason I wanted to share this story is that I know I am not alone, and that as a business we need to support our carers to balance all the plates, to have an element of purpose even if it comes to a point where their loved one passes away. When you don't have any purpose trying to get out of that black hole is very difficult. Life is hard enough with the cost of living, prices increasing, and wondering how to start living again. Here at Able we are a community, a family who really want to support you through all stages of caring. Please come and see us on Google Spaces or Yapster, or visit our carers hub which can be found here. 

Here is my Dad.....